Would Someone Please… NFL Edition

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Would someone please tell Kyle Orton he’s NOT a starting quarterback. OK, yes, the Buffalo Bills did beat the Detroit Lions this past Sunday, but that says more about how disorganized the Lions defense and offensive line are than it says that Kyle Orton is a starting caliber quarterback in the NFL. His stat line that included 308 yards of passing isn’t enough to convince me that a guy who the Cowboys opted to replace with Brandon Weeden is worthy of starting for any club week in and week out.

Would someone please tell Rex Ryan that sad sack press conferences are like foot fetish videos, he is the only head coach that has them. It’s not that I blame Rex for being down, after a 31-0 beating I wouldn’t be feeling chipper either. The fact of the matter is that the game is over. It doesn’t matter if you lost by one or by 101 a loss is a loss, and you move on. Bill Belichick didn’t get all disjointed after the Kansas City Chiefs annihilated his squad on National television. Now it does help that Bill is 53% robot. Suck it up Rex, tell it like it is, and get your team ready for the next game. That is sort of your job.

Would someone please tell the Dallas Cowboys’ defense that they are supposed to be HORRIBLE this year. The Cowboys let players like Demarcus Ware and Jason Hatcher walk away from a team in dire need of defensive help, after putting up statistically one of the worst seasons of all time in 2013. Sean Lee got injured early, and the defensive backs are wading through suspensions and injuries of their own. Jerry Jones opted to combat this by doing… absolutely NOTHING. The first round draft choice was on offense, and their second-rounder (a defensive end) might not even make it back this year. Yet somehow this team is putting up solid numbers this year. A solid running game has helped give them rest and limited the amount of plays the opposing offence has to operate, but it does seem to be more than that. I feel like this is all going to blow up in a month or so, but in the meantime the boys of Big D will get your hopes up, just so they can be crushed.

Would someone please tell the Arizona Cardinals to not get their hopes up. Currently the Cardinals are 3–1 and lead the NFC West. They are ahead of the San Francisco 49ers and the Seattle Seahawks. Many experts had the Cardinals and the 49ers making the playoffs this year as wild card teams, with the Seahawks winning the division. I am here to tell you that based on the remainder of the schedule I’d all but bank on this team falling just short. I am not saying that the Cardinals won’t win a fair shake of those games, but they would have to win seven out of the next 12 just to get to a 10 win season, and that may not even be good enough this year.

Would someone please tell Chiefs fans that last season was a fluke. Not only was last season a fluke, last week was a fluke. The Chiefs were coming off a horrible season, had fired their head coach, and were looking for anything positive. Andy Reid delivered in a huge way, trading for Alex Smith and getting the Chiefs into the playoffs and off to a seemingly insurmountable lead against the Colts in the Wild Card playoff game. That is where it all started to go wrong. The Chiefs (riddled with injuries) lost that game, lost a lot of players in free agency, and have lost the element of surprise as teams are taking them rather seriously now. At 2–3 the team isn’t out of the race in the AFC, and the rest of the schedule doesn’t look that bad, but the Denver Broncos still own the AFC West, and the Chargers have shown they are going to be a force this year. Best guess is this team finishes about 9–7 and continues to have the number of wins decrease over the next few years until Reid is fired and they hire someone else that will give the fans just enough hope to be disappointed with the results.

Would someone please tell the Lions that they need some serious help. I mean this team yo-yo’s more than they toy with the same name. They have the best receiver in the game, a solid defense, a dynamic running back, a competent quarterback, and yet somehow find a way to loose to the Bills and Kyle Orton? The NFC North is there for the taking. The Green Bay packers are fluttering, the Chicago Bears have a host of their own issues, and the Minnesota Vikings are without their best player. This team should be at least 4–1 right now, if not 5–0. I don’t know what it is they need; hypnosis, positive reinforcement, a kick in the ass, but whatever it is this is their year to take the division, if only they can get their act together.