Culture of Hoops

Lost NFL Conversations: Washington Redskins

Image courtesy of Keith Allison/Flickr.

Image courtesy of Keith Allison/Flickr.

Every year my buddy Ben and I talk NFL football when the Super Bowl is long since over. We talk about the schedule ahead, the free agent market, the draft, and all things that revolve around our teams. One thing we always kid with one another about is the amazingly ridiculous things that must be said inside the front offices of teams, in meetings between coaches, GM’s, and owners.

We often take haphazard guesses at such conversations. Here is one such guess for the Washington Redskins.

Note: Any and all of the below conversation is fictional. Any correlation between this conversation and real life events is circumstantial and hilarious.

Daniel Snyder (DS) – Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay!

Jay Gruden (JG) – Yes Dan, I know. We went from some people’s playoff darling to being a bottom of the barrel team. The injuries hurt us pretty bad, and I don’t know what to make of our quarterbacks.

DS – Dammit Gruden I don’t want excuses, I want results. The people of Washington have come to expect results and efficiency.

JG – From where?

DS – The Redski…Congre….Nevermind! Look, we need to turn this ship around or you’ll be looking for a comfy broadcasting job just like your brother. What are you going to do about the quarterbacks?

JG – Open competition doesn’t work, blindly giving confidence to Robert Griffin doesn’t work, and hoping for the best doesn’t work. At this point I am thinking we need to go radical with this.

DS – What did you have in mind?

JG – We’re going to stick with RG3, but give up on passing all together. We’re going to trade away all of our wide receivers and play in a power goal line formation the entire game. We’ll mix up eligible receiver tight ends and tackles like the Patriots do and have our running backs lob passes as an option on pitch plays. It will be a run option offense the entire game.

DS – It is different, and it might just work. At least it will get people talking about the team in a way that doesn’t center on the racist connotations of the team name.

JG – Umm sir, you’ve said definitively that the name “Redskins” is not racist.

DS – Jay, this is Washington! You say whatever makes it seem like you’re not offending any group of people, much less those who have been marginalized and exploited since the first European’s came to this land. Though now that you

mention it, maybe there is more we can do. How about a new logo that combines the teams new philosophy and pro-race relations?

JG – What did you have in mind?

DS – What if we had a Native American “Redskin” quarterback handing the ball off to a Caucasian running back. It would be like he’s donating, bequeathing, providing the ball to the white man.

JG – You mean like giving?

DS – Exactly!

JG – So the new logo would be an “Indian Giver”?!

DS – I think it’s a wonderful idea!

JG – (mumbles) I think broadcasting sounds rather safe and lawsuit free.

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