Before I get to my Week 13 NFL picks, I’d just like to take a little time to highlight the five NFL related things that I’m most thankful for, in order from fifth to first. It’s Thanksgiving eve, this is what I’m supposed to do, right?
I’m thankful that Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are still performing at a high level. I have no metaphorical dog in this metaphorical fight, so it’s nice to be able to sit back and watch the two greatest quarterbacks of my lifetime continue to excel into their late thirties.
I’m thankful that Odell Beckham Jr. made it so I no longer have to wonder about what the best catch in NFL history is. In case you missed it:
I’m thankful that there is football on television tomorrow. I’d like to give a big thumbs up and a slice of pumpkin pie to whoever made that decision way back in the day.
I’m thankful for the NFL Red Zone channel. I’d like to give two thumbs up, a big spoonful of stuffing and a whole pumpkin pie to whoever made that decision way back in 2009.
And of course, I’m thankful for the Chicago Bears. Even though this year’s version of the team has been somewhere between mildly disappointing and horribly frustrating, I still love this team. And guess what, they’re playing on Thanksgiving Day! Let’s get to a lightning round of some picks!
DETROIT LIONS over Chicago Bears
The Bears are 2-0 since I wrote a scathing column suggesting that it would be best for Chicago to lose the rest of their games and clean house. Reverse jinxes are out the window at this point. The Bears are going 8-8 and there is nothing I can do about it.
DALLAS COWBOYS over Philadelphia Eagles
An additional NFL nugget that I’m thankful for: I’m thankful that Tony Romo has the guys and the infrastructure around him where maybe people will start to appreciate him (Hi Weston!). If the defense can put up a semi-consistent effort and DeMarco Murray is still standing in January after a 400 carry season, the Cowboys are really frisky in the playoffs. Anyway, I like Dallas over the Mark Sanchez led Eagles on Thanksgiving. Speaking of Mark Sanchez, did you know that on Thanksgiving night in 2012 this happened:
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS over Seattle Seahawks
When in doubt, just take the home team in this rivalry. From what I can tell, Seattle and San Francisco are just about even and in the end, I expect both teams to be in the playoffs.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS over Washington Redskins
I can’t help but wonder what kind of excuses Skip Bayless is going to make for Robert Griffin III after Andrew Luck and the Colts thrash the Redskins. Oh wait, RG3 isn’t starting because he’s stunk like a rotten egg fart this year? What a bummer! The Andrew Luck/Robert Griffin III argument is over, Skip. Just let it go. Luck is going to be an all-timer and Griffin will go down as an all-time bust. #SonnyVsSkip
HOUSTON TEXANS over Tennessee Titans
Someone in the Titans locker room better take Zach Mettenberger’s cell phone away from him on Sunday morning. Another Mettenberger pre-game selfie would likely result in the NFL’s first on-field homicide, and we can’t run the risk of J.J. Watt ending up in prison.
BUFFALO BILLS over Cleveland Browns
If this game is played in Buffalo the Bills are my lock of the week. I’ve called Bills fans delusional in the past, but that is definitely a home crowd that comes to play every Sunday. And after a hellacious snow storm that ravaged the city and left my friend Collin Stucko stranded in his car for 11 hours, Buffalonians are going to be jacked up to have their beloved Bills back home, and still in the playoff hunt.
BALTIMORE RAVENS over San Diego Chargers
Remember when the Chargers were a sleeper Super Bowl pick? Yeah, me neither. The Chargers were a horrible Shaun Hill red zone interception from suffering their fourth loss in five games. I don’t trust San Diego one bit. I think they end up 7-9, and totally out of the very crowded AFC playoff picture.
New York Giants over JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
ST. LOUIS RAMS over Oakland Raiders
Let the “Suck A Lotta for Mariota” race begin! Make us proud, Oakland and Jacksonville.
NOTE: Neither of these teams are likely to take Marcus Mariota with the No. 1 overall pick, but “Suck A Lotta for Mariota” sounds better than any other catchy tanking moniker with the exception of “In the Pooper for Amari Cooper.”
PITTSBURGH STEELERS over New Orleans Saints
Arizona Cardinals over ATLANTA FALCONS
MINNESOTA VIKINGS over Carolina Panthers
Cincinnati Bengals over TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
That’s right, I have all four NFC South teams losing this week. That means going into December, two teams will be tied atop a division with 4-8 records and teams with two and three wins will still be alive for a playoff spot. I know last week I said the NFL Playoffs didn’t need any revamping, but if a 6-10 team hosts a Wild Card game I need to rethink that statement.
GREEN BAY PACKERS over New England Patriots
Mark my words, we’ll be running this game back on February 1st, 2015 and it will have a different result.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS over Denver Broncos
The Eric Berry news is a heartbreaker and it’s definitely a blow to the Chiefs organization in the short-term and the long-term, but I’m banking on a fired up Chiefs team ready to compete and momentarily put the Broncos on the edge of missing the playoffs. Yeah, you read that right; there is a scenario where the Denver Broncos could hold a Wild Card spot by only a tie-breaker after this week.
Miami Dolphins over NEW YORK JETS
Hey guys, did you know the last time the Jets played in a primetime game on the week of Thanksgiving, this happened:
Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Enjoy the football games, the food, and most importantly your families.
Last Week: 11-4