Every year my buddy Ben and I talk football when the Super Bowl is long since over. We talk about the schedule ahead, the free agent market, the draft, and all things that revolve around our teams. One thing we always kid with one another about is the amazingly ridiculous things that must be said inside the front offices of teams, in meetings between coaches, GM’s, and owners. We often take haphazard guesses at such conversations. Here is one such conversation between Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft from the New England Patriots organization.
Note: Any and all of the below conversation is fictional. Any correlation between this conversation and real life events is circumstantial and hilarious.
Robert Kraft (RK) – We did it Bill, we did it, we did it! Great job, our fourth Super Bowl win.
Bill Belichick (BB) – We sure did Bob. I actually got something for you as a gift.
RK – Aww Bill, you shouldn’t have done that. If anything I should get you something.
BB – No, no, I insist here it is (removes object from his pocket).
RK – What a lovely pocket watch! Thank you Bill.
BB- Notice the nice silver chain (watch begins to sway back and forth). Notice the delicate features on the hands of the watch. Notice how my voice is getting lower and lower, softer and softer. You are in a state of total calm.
RK – I am in a state of total calm.
BB – You are under my command.
RK – I am under your command.
BB – You will schedule a press conference where you take total responsibility for deflating the balls during the AFC Championship game.
RK – I deflated the balls.
BB – You will say the stress of winning is too much.
RK – Too much.
BB – You will sell the team to me.
RK – I will sell the team.
BB – When I put the watch away and clap my hands you will do as I’ve told you with no recollection of this conversation. (Puts watch back into his pocket, claps hands twice).
RK – We did it Bill, we did it, we did it! Great job, our fourth Super Bowl win.
BB – Thank you Bob.
RK – On a sadder note I have to call a press conference. I asked the equipment staff to deflate those balls for the AFC championship game. The pressure to win is just getting to be too much for me. I’m going to have to sell the team. Would you be interested in buying it?
BB – It would be an honor sir.