Let me count the ways I love you. I love your color. The only time orange isn’t an offensive color is when it comes in your shade. I love your smell. If I could live in any candle, I would choose to live in your candle. I love your taste. You accompany both sweet and savory so perfectly that you can come in any shape or form and still be delicious: cookies, pies, coffees, soups, waffles, chilis, breads, seeds, beers, the list is literally endless. I love that you make teenage white girls and grumpy old men alike revel in your reappearance, especially when in latte form. I love that you mean my favorite holidays are right around the corner. Because that’s when you are best enjoyed, right? WRONG. Pumpkin, you are so beautiful a food that you should be enjoyed year-round.
“But I’m a seasonal fruit!” Yes, pumpkin, you are indeed seasonal and a fruit (little known to most people including myself prior to a quick Google search). But do you know what else is seasonal? Literally almost every other fucking fruit or vegetable people have in their fridges right now. Our beautiful and disgusting country has perfected the art of bringing pesticide-laden mutant strawberries to a nearby Walmart even during the winter months. It can be done!
“That’s not what I meant, I meant that I should be enjoyed during the fall, like god intended.” Do you not want to be eaten, pumpkin? Is that what this is? Well, fuck you. You know what people in Florida don’t have? Seasons! The only thing that happens in Florida when the first day of fall rolls around is it kind of sort of stops to rain as often. So if Floridians can enjoy you during their seasonless quasi-autumn then why can’t the rest of America enjoy you in the warmer seasons?
“But if people enjoyed me year-round, wouldn’t they get tired of me? Isn’t part of my appeal that I’m exclusive from August to Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas?” Pumpkin, aren’t you tired of being tossed aside once the next seasonal item enters our lives? Don’t you want more out of life than to be autumn’s biggest fad and Instagram hashtag? Do you want to know who enjoys you all year long, pumpkin? Wizards. Pumpkin pasties and pumpkin juice are regularly on the menu at Hogwarts and the Hog’s Head Inn, even during the months us Muggles are too scared to say they miss you. Harry Potter doesn’t desert you once peppermint mochas and eggnog become available on the menu. And neither should we, pumpkin.
It’s 2016, for fuck’s sake, and I can and should be able to enjoy you whenever I damn well please without judgment. Even if I’m the only person brave enough to break out of this box created by whichever masochist decided we should only be able to be truly happy during the fall months. I love you pumpkin, and I promise to love you until my dying days.